Art director Neville A. cuts a tall, lean – one would possibly even say engaging – determine at 1.83cm, so that you would possibly be bowled over when the 46-year-old reveals that he’s not solely single, however a “confirmed bachelor”.
“People have often asked me: ‘You’re very good-looking so why are you still single?’,” he reveals.
“My parents have ‘given up on me’, and my ‘kay poh chee’ (nosy in Cantonese) relatives will usually be extremely interested in the state of my love life,” he says and laughs.
Neville provides that some have even questioned his sexual orientation, however he says that he’s heterosexual and “very much so”.
“I’ve also had well-meaning friends attempt to match-make me with ‘suitable candidates’, which never ever works out,” he says.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to get married. I’ve considered it years ago. And I even had a girlfriend when I was in my late 20s,” he says.
He reveals that the connection lasted for seven years however ended when she went abroad to work and subsequently married another person.
“Somehow, I could never find anyone else that measured up to her,” he says.
Neville says that though he did attempt to exit with different ladies, there wasn’t anybody that “clicked” with him. At that time of time, he was already in his mid-30s and really targeted on his profession. Seeking a life associate was not utmost in his thoughts.
“I buried myself deeply in my job and my social life revolved around work: usually clubbing and playing badminton with my workmates, suppliers and clients. Most of my peers were married and some already had young kids,” he says.
A satisfying life alone
Singles shouldn’t succumb to strain and leap right into a relationship simply because all their buddies are in relationships. Photo: Pixabay
Neville, who says he’s the “creative type”, enjoys experimenting with new recipes, cooking at dwelling and welcoming buddies over for meals, and pottering round at dwelling. He’s additionally into inside ornament, and spends time doing up his dwelling.
“I delved more into refurbishing my home during the pandemic,” he says, including that he additionally cleans his own residence day by day though he has a part-time maid who comes as soon as per week to do the general cleansing.
“In a lot of ways, I’m a perfectionist so I think it might be difficult for someone to live with me,” he says and laughs.
When requested if he’s ever lonely, he says: “I’m always busy. I believe being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. You can still feel fulfilled and content.
“The opposite is true too. You might still feel lonely even if you have someone,” he says.
“I think the only time when I did feel it was at the start of the pandemic because we were all stuck at home and couldn’t see our friends,” he provides.
Neville reveals that being a “confirmed bachelor” wasn’t a choice that he had made in a single day. But as time glided by, he discovered that he loved the solitude, freedom and independence that got here with it.
Because of his work within the promoting line, Neville says that “his time was not his own” and it could have been troublesome for him to keep a wholesome relationship, particularly within the early years.
“I often worked round the clock. Whenever there was a big project, I would spend days (and nights) at the office and only returned home after everything was completed. If I had a wife and kids, it might have been difficult for them to accept this,” he says.
Staying single
Our society wants to reevaluate how they understand somebody who isn’t married and never simply attempt to repair this man or that lady up and get them married off rapidly. Photo: Pixabay
Counselling psychologist and MY Confidential Association of Private Counsellors founder Johana Johari says that there’s nothing unsuitable with somebody selecting not to get married or have a life associate – it’s a private selection.
“Firstly, you can have a life partner without marrying in this day and age. With marriage comes rights and responsibilities, and they might not want those complications. So, if it’s accepted by their culture, they might opt for this path,” says Johana.
“Secondly, singles shouldn’t succumb to pressure and jump into a relationship just because all their friends are in relationships.
“Before getting into a relationship, one needs to know themselves and what they need in their life. Should they decide to have a relationship, they then need to know what kind of person they want and need,” she says.
“People’s tastes also change as they get older. Their worldview becomes wider because they’ve been exposed to more things in life so what they want when they’re young might be different from when they get older,” she provides.
According to Johana, sure cultural beliefs a couple of man and lady’s roles in marriage may additionally not resonate with everybody, and this hinders them from getting right into a relationship.
“In some typical Asian families, parents might insist that their children, especially girls, get married and have children by a certain age. But not every girl wants this because she might prefer to focus on her education or career before settling down,” says Johana.
“This is why there are still singles in their 40s out there who aren’t bothered to get married or get into an intimate relationship because they’re able to fulfill the needs they have within themselves. They don’t need another person to do that for them and they’re not lonely,” she explains.
“But there are others who might have decided not to be in a relationship because of something that happened to them when they were younger which scarred them to the point that they don’t want to be in a relationship again,” she provides.
Being alone doesn’t imply being lonely. You can nonetheless really feel fulfilled and content material. Photo: Pixabay
Johana says that whichever path an individual has chosen, others ought to respect their selection and never decide them for it.
“It’s a very Asian way of thinking. Our society needs to reevaluate how they perceive someone who isn’t married and not just try to fix this guy or that girl up and get them married off quickly,” she says.
“Not everyone wants it, so you’ve to ask first before causing an awkward situation or disaster,” she says.
On dealing with awkward questions similar to “why aren’t you married yet?” or “when are you going to get married?”, Johana recommends setting wholesome private boundaries.
“Even though you may love your family – parents, relatives, etc – but there are questions that you might not want to answer and don’t have to answer because it’s an invasion of your privacy, and it’s none of anybody else’s business,” she says.
“So it’s better to be polite but direct, and tell them you don’t want to discuss it.”
Only the lonely
While Neville doesn’t really feel lonely as a result of he’s discovered different methods to fulfill his wants, it’s not unusual for singles to really feel lonely at occasions.
“How do they handle this? It depends what kind of loneliness,” says Johana. “If it’s a physical loneliness, they can socialise with their friends, go out and have fun because they have more freedom than those who are married/settled down with children,” she says.
“But if it’s psychological or emotional loneliness, they need to do some introspection, like ask themselves why they’ve chosen to be single. There is nothing wrong with talking with a relationship counsellor to find out how they got there and what they can do about it,” she says.
But it’s not all dangerous. There are benefits to being single and never in an intimate relationship.
One factor Neville cherishes about being single is he’s ready to go on lengthy journeys with out having to reply to anybody.
“It’s my goal to visit all the continents in the world,” he says. Neville has been to many components of Asia, Europe, North America and Oceania.
“Singles have the freedom to do all the things they want to in their life, and nobody will get in their way. For example, some singles choose to travel the world, or engage in their favourite hobbies and pastimes, while others who love their independence are ‘married’ to their career,” says Johana.
She says the primary problem for singles as they become older is to take into account who will maintain them once they’re not nicely since they don’t have a partner or kids.
“Even healthy people will get old, so it’s realistic and practical that one needs to consider such matters and make provisions,” she concludes.
